


Shattered Pieces

by haus_vestra



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Heaven's Arena Arc (Hunter X Hunter), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, One Shot, hiso/illu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 00:33:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30097518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haus_vestra/pseuds/haus_vestra
Summary: Of course, Hisoka thought, Illumi’s nightmares revolved around Killua. His darling baby brother, the only thing that seemed to have ever penetrated the iron-wrought walls Illumi had erected around his heart (though Hisoka was giving it his damndest).
Relationships: Hisoka & Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Kudos: 47





	Shattered Pieces

“Why don’t you go ahead, hmm?” Hisoka nudged Illumi towards their bedroom, placing a soft kiss in the crook of his lover’s neck, “I’ll be right there, I promise.”

“Hmmm” was the only reply the magician got in return, as Illumi softly padded down the hall and out of sight.

Hisoka let out a soft sigh as he watched him go- he wanted nothing more than to follow after his love, sneak up behind him, drown him in kisses and press him into the mattress, but alas, even the free-spirited Hisoka occasionally had business to attend to. He slowly paced back and forth in front of the floor-to-ceiling window facing out from his suite as he lazily dialed a number into his phone.

Under normal circumstances, Hisoka enjoyed the mind-games his profession required, the back-and-forth between various clients (or victims), but this particular night he wanted nothing more than to be done with it. That being said, he still had to keep up appearances, so minutes ticked by as he played verbal chess with the person on the other end of the line.

By the time he was finally finished, twenty minutes had gone by, and Hisoka gave a sigh of relief as he quickly made his way to the bedroom.

“Lulu, I’m finally done” he called as he made his way down the hall, “and I fully intend on making up for the wait- _oh_ ”

As Hisoka stepped through the doorway, he couldn’t stop a soft coo from escaping his lips as he spotted his love, Illumi, sleeping soundly. Hisoka genuinely couldn’t remember a time that the assassin had fallen asleep before him, and could count on one hand the amount of times he had woken up before his love, so seeing Illumi peacefully asleep was a rare treat. 

He silently crossed the few steps between the doorway and the bed, sinking softly onto the mattress as carefully as he could. With all the caution in the world, he slowly reclined next to Illumi, wrapping one arm lightly around his lover’s shoulders, and gently toying with his hair.

He could stay like this forever, Hisoka thought, just him and Illumi and no one and nothing else. Even in the near-blackness of the darkened room, Hisoka’s eyes drunk every detail in with reverence. The way the weak, blueish light from the city below cast the softest of shadows on Illumi’s porcelain skin. The way his hair managed to reflect what little light there was like a flowing river of ink. The tension normally so ever-present in Illumi’s body missing, and the soft rise and fall of his chest.

Hisoka lost track of time simply gazing at his love, seeming to find new detail with every pass of his vision across his sleeping darling. He noticed his lover’s eyes begin to flick back and forth beneath his closed eyelids, and the softest of sounds barely escaping from his lover’s lips.

He must be dreaming, and Hisoka was all the more intrigued, while Illumi had woken Hisoka up a few times tossing and turning in his sleep, Hisoka only ever caught the tail-end of his love’s nighttime declarations. The hand toying with Illumi’s hair slowed, intent on not waking him.

Hisoka’s brow furrowed as he watched the sleeping assassin. What began as simply the smallest of shifts and sounds from Illumi quickly morphed into what Hisoka recognized as a nightmare, if not a deeply unpleasant dream. Illumi’s breathing quickened, and the small sounds that escaped him sounded more like winces of pain than sleepy mumblings.

Hisoka pulled himself closer to Illumi, running his hand up and down the assassin’s shoulder reassuringly. Hisoka didn’t know how cognizant Illumi was at this point, but still felt the need to calm his love.

“mmhmph” Illumi mumbled, his neck jerking with a sudden tension “Kil.”

Of course, Hisoka thought, Illumi’s nightmares revolved around Killua. His darling baby brother, the only thing that seemed to have ever penetrated the iron-wrought walls Illumi had erected around his heart (though Hisoka was giving it his damndest).

“Kil stop” even in his sleep, Illumi’s voice held a pleading tone Hisoka had never heard before “I had to-“

Hisoka wondered what _lovely_ memory from Illumi’s childhood he was reliving now. While he was sure he had only heard a thimble’s worth of the ocean of abuse the Zoldyck children endured from the few stories Illumi had shared, it was enoughto make Hisoka irritated at simply the thought of Illumi’s parents.

It wasn’t fair, what they had put Illumi through. His sweet Illumi, living with them for so many years, shouldering the burden of both his parents and his siblings. While Hisoka wasn’t sure he’d ever shift Illumi’s perspective on his past, Hisoka could see clear as day the scars his family left behind.

Hisoka’s eyes widened in surprise as he watched tears slip from Illumi’s closed eyes and down his cheeks. Hisoka had seen Illumi at near his worst, sure, but this was a new development.

Hisoka pulled Illumi even closer, rubbing small circles into his back and shushing him gently.

“I’m sorry” Illumi whimpered, his breath shallow and quick in his throat

“shhhh” Hisoka whispered against Illumi’s temple, his hand protectively carding through the hair at his scalp “shhh, it’s alright-“

Hisoka did his best to comfort Illumi without restraining him as he began to fitfully shift in his sleep. Illumi’s words were beginning to slur together, Hisoka was struggling to make out one phrase from the next.

“Lulu, shh, it’s alright” Hisoka whispered,“You’re alright, it’s just a dream”

Hisoka was considering waking Illumi up if this continued much longer, it felt cruel to just watch him go through something that was clearly this painful.

“Don’t hate me” Illumi whined.

Hisoka barely had time to loosen his grip as Illumi sucked in a gasp of air and arched against the mattress. He watched as Illumi’s eyes shot open and he scrambled to sit upright, his chest heaving and his hands knotted tightly in the sheets.

“Illumi, Illumi hey- hey it was just a dream, ok?” Hisoka sat up beside him, “You’re here, you’re home, it’s safe”

Illumi’s gaze whipped quickly around the room, checking the windows, the door, before landing on Hisoka. Concern quickly welled in Hisoka’s chest as he realized Illumi was still panicking. His breathing hadn’t slowed down at all, and he noticed a slight tremor in Illumi’s shoulders.

Hisoka gingerly placed his hand next to the assassin’s,

“Lulu?” he asked “It’s me, it’s Hisoka, you’re safe.”

Illumi’s hand ran harshly through his own hair, tightly gripping a handful just above the roots, trying to anchor himself. Hisoka watched as Illumi’s gaze faded from him to nothingness.

“I killed him” Illumi mumbled.

“What?” Hisoka asked “what are you talking about?”

“Killua” Illumi answered “I killed him. I killed him. It’s all my fault-“

“Killua’s still alive, darling” Hisoka insisted “It was just a nightmare, Killua’s fine.”

“I killed him” Illumi repeated, “I’m the reason he’s gonna die-“

“Hey, shhhh” Hisoka put his hand on Illumi’s shoulder, pulling him closer “You haven’t done anything, sweetheart, it was just a dream.”

“You don’t get it” Illumi smacked Hisoka’s hand from him and pulled his knees to his chest, “I’ve already killed him, I’m the reason he’s gonna die someday. I should’ve been stronger-if only I could’ve been stronger, why couldn’t I have been stronger-“

True sobs ripped through Illumi’s chest, and Hisoka felt his heart break. Scooting closer to the assassin, he opened his arms and lightly pressed Illumi’s head into his chest, whispering nothings in an attempt to calm him down.

Illumi felt like a broken doll in his arms, his body leaning against Hisoka and his face buried in Hisoka’s shirt.

“I know the past hurts, love” Hisoka said “I can see how much it torments you, but you and Killua have both escaped it now.”

Illumi hiccuped into Hisoka’s chest and Hisoka slowly ran his hand up and down Illumi’s spine.

“You have control over yourself,” Hisoka continued, “If you don’t want to hurt Killua, you don’t have to, I know they made you hurt him when you were children, but if it pains you so, you don’t have to hurt him anymore.”

Illumi’s breath finally began to slow as he took shaky, fragile breaths between tears. Hisoka felt as the tremor running through Illumi’s body slowly came to a halt and the assassin went limp in his arms.

Hisoka laid back down, pulling Illumi down with him. The assassin wrapped his arms around Hisoka’s neck like a lifeline.

“Sleep, love” Hisoka whispered “It’s alright, I’ve got you.”

It wasn’t until Illumi was once again soundly asleep that Hisoka let his eyes flutter shut.

He couldn’t go back in time and undo the pain the Zoldycks had put Illumi through, but he’d be damned if he wouldn’t be there to pick up the shattered pieces they left behind.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is a bit of a follow up/companion work to my other work, "Tell Me What's Wrong, Love" (https://archiveofourown.org/works/29936085). 
> 
> If I end up writing more of these I may just have to group them in a collection lol, I thought I was gonna have some more space between this and my last Hiso/Illu work, but HxH has been a fun focus of mine, and gosh if I cannot get enough of Hisoka and Illumi's dynamic. 
> 
> Hopefully I'll get further in the show soon so I don't keep writing Heaven's Arena arc stuff lol.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated, and thank you again for reading! -Haus_Vestra


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